Woo! Vacation Time!

Yep, so my family and I finally found some time to go on a trip together. It was actually not a very exciting trip, 13 hours in the car with my brother, sister, mum, and dad. Possibly the most exciting bits were when my mum slammed on the brakes and everyone not wearing seatbelts fell onto the floor. I fell over four times, but in my defence, I was sleeping for three of them, and couldn't steady myself.
So, when we got to the beach, I realised that a 16 year old girl making sandcastles would look really childish and stupid. I was very bummed out. After about 10 minutes of walking around a feeling bored and disappointed I realised that
 1) It's MY vacation, and I can do whatever I want.
 2) No one I know is here, so What's the big deal? and
 3) Anyone who is going to laugh at me, knows deep down in their hearts that they want to make sandcastles too.

So, I sat down and made the best sandcastle ever. (It was a mound of sand with a trench around it...) My brother came over, and he made his sandcastle right next to mine. (He's 23, so there's proof Sandcastles are badass.)

Well, I think it's beach time! Oh, and anyone who I might have told that "No, I can't get on next week, I'm on vacation." You can forget I said that, turns out of Hotel has Internet Access. Also....Our hotel is more like a 2 bedroom apartment. It's gigantic and right on the beach. Best. Vacation. Ever.

Later, Comment, Love you Guys.

Picture Perfect

So yeah, I feel a bit better today, well you know, lots better. But what made me decide to write a post today, was that I was taking a picture of one of the Drawings I make...and my camera said "Blink Detected". I just thought it was funny and made it seem a bit like the picture was alive. I have been trying to make my Dragons more life-like. Anyways, I'll have to ones I was making up soon, I'm trying out INK! So...really it just looks kinda sketchy and crappy, but I'm trying it out. Check those out on the OTHER blog "http://rekabstory.blogspot.com/ ". (Look a link, you should click on it, or...if you can't get someone to do it for you, it's probably going to be worth it.)

 Yup. Exams coming, so of course, I'm going to procrastinate as much as possible.

See you Guys Round!

Deep Down Crushed

I'm so fucked up inside... I'm not going to be able to say what's going on. It's not something you can just say, not like this. It's something that needs to be said while holding one to someone, and crying so hard, you can't hear what you're saying or whether it makes sense. I haven't got anyone I can hold on to though. I've never been in love before, I didn't know what it was, if I had been. But now I am, I'm in love with a girl, and she loves me back, I hope. I feel so confused when I'm with her, I'm warm and tingly, when I'm not with her, I hurt and miss her, and everything feels wrong. I haven't told my family, or been really open about it, I'm terrified. What if my parents think there's something wrong with me? Or if my sister or my brother try to push me away... What about my other friends? They shouldn't mind, we're friends, best friends and I can't keep it from them much longer. Then there are other people...The guys at school, the other girls, I try not to be noticed too much, but they'll notice me, if I come out. I'm embarrassed and I feel so sick with myself for it. I shouldn't feel like this, I should be proud of who I am. I can't be though, I wouldn't mind if they people at school made fun of me...but if my family...if they blamed me or themselves; I'd feel awful. ...There are also, other guys, guys who really like me. Guys who love me even. But I don't love them back, I have to tell them, but me going out with this girl... it's kind of a secret. I wanted to just run from it all, and hide behind other things.
Except, when I ran from my first relationship...I can't run from anything else anymore. I can't even look at my first boyfriend, or any of his friends...he doesn't go to my school, but...I couldn't even say "no" to him. Even though it hurts, it hurts like hell, and it still hurts, I'm never going to run from something like that again. I can't because it crushed me, I lost all my control and I was totally helpless. I won't run from this. Maybe I won't tell anyone about it yet... but when I'm really ready, I will.

So, I'm writing this, because i really needed to say something. I'm not too sure what it is now, but hopefully it'll pop out if i just keep typing. It feels good to just write this all down. Maybe I just wanted to feel better, because now that I'm doing this, I do feel better. Maybe also because I'm listening to "I'll Make a Man Out of You" which is the BEST SONG from Disney ever. I dunno, I'm such a child. But it makes me smile, so there. School's been really tough lately, prolly cus I've been spending my nights on the Internets or stage crew. The Play went great, I just got to sit back stage the whole time, and help with scene changes. Anyways, I feel much better. I've been reading some Dream Scar, which is a little depressing, but very pretty. Oh, so I realized that I cry during movies, kinda embarrassing. Especially when it's Lilo and Stitch and I'm at Alex's house sobbing into his pillows. Blah, that happened last weekend, I think it was more than just the movie...I'm kinda stressed out. Yeah....

Anyways, I should finish my homework, and sleep. My Mom is obsessed with my sleeping schedual and how much I eat a day. I'm going to admit that I don't eat enough, but no one actually gets ten hours of sleep a night! I know she doesn't. It just bothers me.

Comment and shtuff.